I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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