Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i've created a new STD.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
