just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
