uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
