he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
