The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
