What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
