my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
