hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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