dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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