i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
