the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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