She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
