my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
