Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sponge bath it is.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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