what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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