I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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