if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
