My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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