Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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