Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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