He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
