im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
