The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
