If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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