we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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