I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
