Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
