You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
