Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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