hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
