thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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