do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I need to calm my uterus...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
