You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
