i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
