It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
