the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
