Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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