Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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