??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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