Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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