I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
