i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
