I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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