I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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