New invention idea: vibrating tampons
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
