That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
