You're my little dorito
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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