This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
