I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
