We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
